Expected and Everyday Invitations

A few months ago I spoke at a church on singleness and had a great time. It felt like a family conversation from big sister to the rest of my brothers and sisters about my experience and God's presence in my singleness. Towards the end I was giving some practical applications for connection and togetherness. Some for singles to consider in their own lives and some for those within relationships looking to love and connect with singles well. One of the points I was making was about invitations, inviting others into your life for more than just planned activities, but for other everyday things like laundry day, chores, grocery shopping, bed time routines, etc. And in Oprah style I was pointing around the room saying "you invite someone to dinner" and "then you invite someone to your kids baseball game" and then I pointed to a random couple on the side of the room and said "and then you invite me for dinner!" we all laughed and it was a good time. But then something unexpected happened.

My invitations typically come with a plane ticket and adventure. A trip with a friend to Portland, OR.

During the last worship song I went to the side and stood with that couple I pointed at because they were on the end of the row and when the final song was done they invited me to dinner! Like a true dinner invitation where calendars were out and we were making plans, not the "yeah come over for dinner!" and it feels nice in the moment but it never happens. So, a couple weeks later I'm over at this hospitable couples house having a meal. And not just a regular meal, a meal they texted me about before hand asking about any dietary restrictions and then abundantly providing food within that. I felt so seen and heard. As we talked throughout the night I learned what they liked to do and how they did community and they asked about my interests and connections. One thing, I told them, that I've loved doing since living in San Diego is going to soccer games. So before leaving, a genuine invitation to get a group together to see a game was in place. There was something about their invitations that felt so genuine and I realized that invitations as a single felt so much more precious.

I love inviting friends down to see a game with me!

From that same message I taught at that same church, I had another person reach out months later. A person who came up after the message to share their story of singleness and what had encouraged them from my message (praise God). And then a few months later I get an email from this same person saying they have been following this blog and have continued to feel encouraged and seen (again, praise God :)). They asked if I'd be willing to get together to talk more about our experiences and get to know each other more as fellow singles. A genuine invitation to connection.

As these invitations have continued to unfold and I've been able to get to know some genuinely kind people, I've reflected on the simplicity of invitations. As I intentionally reflect back I am realizing how much my soul has smiled on getting these invitations and other everyday invitations for a walk or a Costco run. Not the typical, planned invitations to birthdays and weddings, which are still nice invitations, but these invitations to more every day things. Dinner, coffee, soccer games, walks. The kinds of invitations that mean that people have to intentionally create space for me in their lives. Birthdays, weddings, etc. tend to have assumed time carved out to celebrate in life, which is great and needed. At the same time, there's something unique and beautiful with these kinds of everday invitations. It communicates a different level of "I want to know you and connect more with you".

Very grateful for the expected invitations in my life. Blair wedding December 2025.

I wonder what role invitations are playing in your life right now? Do you have too many? Are you noticing a lack of invitations in your life? Are you noticing that difference between the "expected" invitations and the everyday invitations? I also wonder what your responses are to invitations. Are you that type of person that loves them? Or has your mind been programmed to receive invitations with a sense of dread? Wherever you are at with invitations and singleness in your life, I want to offer some reflections and encouragements:

1. For the one with too many invitations: First, I hope you can practice gratitude for this. Yes, on one hand this can be overwhelming and also hard because you don't want to disappoint people by saying no, but it's also such a gift to have a flow in your community where there are regular rhythms and invitations. Second, be wise with the invitations you accept. As I've discussed in a previous post, it can be easy to accept the invitations to the new, shiny experiences or where you will meet new people, but make sure there's a balance. You also want to make sure life isn't all about the new, new, new that you don't have time or capacity to pour into existing relationships in a deeper way. As a single, being intentional about relational depth is a key to wholeness and connection.

2. For the one with a lack of invitations: It is ok and good to recognize and name this. It's ok to hope for more connection. And instead of despairing or being stuck in frustration about a lack of invitations, I want to encourage you to reframe this as open space and opportunity in your life. You have time to be filled with good things and relationships. Pray for the community you seek, God loves creating Family, it's part of who He is. Then allow yourself to be open to the experiences and rhythms around you. You may have to communicate a desire to be part of things and then make sure to show up and be consistent. A lack of invitations is not hopeless, its opportunity.

3. For the one who dreads invitations: There could be many reasons for this, but in my life I've seen people dread invitations because of fear and anxiety. Fear about the unknowns, the "what ifs" and the anxiety about how to interact or what others think. Invitations can take you away from your comfort zone and make you start to say "no" more often and then before you know it your social life has lost momentum and you are more lonely. I invite you to catch and name this if this is you and reframe your thoughts to ones that are instead more accepting and curious about new connections. If this is an entrenched pattern, start small. Maybe an invitation is to a 3 hour event or gathering but you stay for just an hour. Then work up to longer times with others. You have the ability and power to overcome the anxious thoughts in your brain, don't relinquish that power :)

4. For the non-single: If you are someone in a relationship or married, consider the invitations you give out in your life. Do you have space for the everyday invitations? Not just the birthdays, but to grocery store runs, cooking dinner together with a friend or a morning/evening walk? Diversify your invitations with the singles in your life. This past week I went on a random Wednesday Costco trip with a friend and it was so good, I loved being invited into that regular errand with them :)

I hope this little reflection on invitations has been helpful. It's something I hadn't thought about too specifically until recently and it's helped me to frame things in a fresh way and be grateful for invitations I do get. If you connect to anything I write I'd love to hear about it! Comment on this post or send me an email from the space at the end of the blog page :)