My Singleness Journey

Alright, so here we are. You made it to a blog about singleness and maybe this is one of many you've explored. Maybe this is your first venture out into exploring others' thoughts on singleness. Wherever you are coming from, welcome! You are probably wondering why I am doing this (it's not just because I'm a millennial lol), what lead me to even create a blog about singleness and why I want to even share all that on a public platform no less. Well, I don't claim to have all the "answers" to all the things of singleness, but what I do have to offer is my lived experience. And I think what makes me unique from other resources and platforms that discuss singleness is that I am currently living it. Have been for about 8 years now! And I think it's valuable to hear from someone who is living out singleness in real time instead of reflecting back on a past season of singleness. Not that wisdom and encouragement can't come from those perspectives, but it just hits different when someone is "in it" with you.

So, like I said, I've been single for about 8 years now and it pretty much lines up with the start of my journey with Jesus. In 2016 I was a fresh college graduate entering into a Master's program for social work. I had been in a few longer term relationships and in between those relationships bounced around from one person to the next, always having someone I was "talking to" and/or had the attention of (feel free to psychoanalyze my past self, I do all the time lol). All of that lead to a lot of broken relationships both romantically and with friends and things started to feel really shallow, I was looking for something deeper and more meaningful, somewhere to actually fill the deep need I felt for love and affection. I decided to give that church thing another try and something clicked. I decided that the love of Jesus I heard about that night was what I truly needed. From there began a journey of questions (many questions), learning and creating new Jesus friendships with some truly amazing people who are still embedded into my life today.

And about a year into this, things started to shift when it came to romantic relationships. I had a few short-term relationships as a Christian but after that I was single. Not "talking" to anyone and at a certain point not even really looking for anyone to date. Fast forward to 2023ish and I was in a church community group with half of the group being same sex attracted and living by the historical teaching on marriage (one man, one woman and sex is meant only within the safe, loving relationship of the marriage relationship). These amazing people were living a very intentional life of holy singleness and had to think deeply and practically about what love, community and family looks like for them in this life. Their conversations sparked the realization in me that I had actually been single for quite a while and could potentially be for a long time to come. This started my own journey of wrestling with the realities of my own singleness.

I started asking questions like "would I truly be ok if I never married?", "is Jesus and His church of believers truly enough relationship for me to thrive in, without a spouse?", "what does deep love and being seen and known actually look like for a single person outside of romantic relationships?", "what do I do with the loneliness I feel?".

And God not only walked me through those questions and emotions and desires for community (still is) with dear friends but also in my personal time with Him and through study opportunities while in seminary (my paper on singleness is linked in the page "Resources" :)). I then had the opportunity to speak to a church staff about singleness and the church. I have also had a couple opportunities to preach on singleness for other churches. My current church is also made up of more than 60% singles currently and we are exploring how to create community for those in this stage of life no matter how long it may last. So, singleness has become less of a subsequent characteristic of my life and feels much more purposeful. Much more "on purpose", if that makes sense. So I am leaning into it and seeing where God takes it!

Idyllwild, CA

Now, here in 2025 I am still single and still following God through this season, seeing what lies ahead. This could be a lifelong thing or a temporary thing, who knows! But for now, what you'll read in this blog is pulled from all these experiences, reading, conversations etc. Some may be more theological, others more experiential and still others just ponderings and wanderings. I hope that you are able to feel a sense of camaraderie here if you are a fellow single and feel free to interact with your own experiences! Lastly, I pray that whatever reason God has me sharing these things, studying these things and living these things, lands where they need to and impacts you with encouragement and love. Thank you for being here!