My Baby Sister is Getting Married...

It was a sunny but cool day on the west coast of Ireland. We pulled up in our bus to the parking lot right at the base of one of the most beautiful places in the world, the Cliffs of Moher. Our tour guide gives us instructions and our time frame to go and explore, and we all try not to run off the bus to go see the sprawling landscape outside. Everyone is getting cameras and phones ready, hoping to get the perfect shot or selfie. And our group was too, but for another reason.

Before we head straight to the cliffs we run inside to grab a snack and use the restroom("toilet" in Ireland, felt uncomfortable to say every time lol), and while my sister is in the restroom me and my friend and my sister's boyfriend quickly and quietly go over the game plan. His face is calm but serious, I could tell there were so many nerves he was trying to hide. My friend and I are giddy with anticipation trying not to give it all away with our expressions. We can just blame our excitement on seeing the cliffs of Moher hehe. When we are all settled we head out, my sister mainly excited to film an epic Tiktok, the rest of us scanning everywhere we go for the perfect spot. The perfect spot for my sister to be proposed to.

Walking along the Cliffs of Moher

It was such a hard thing to do! I was so torn between the amazing beauty of the cliffs meeting the ocean and the rolling hills of grass around it. Everywhere you look is postcard perfect. Then the other part of me could care less about the landscape itself and was just worried about how we can grab a spot with minimal/no tourists around and an epic backdrop for one of the the biggest moments of my sister's life. And to top it all off, because of some unfortunate accidents the year before, they had put up a stone wall that spans the length of the walkway by the cliffs for safety. Thankful but also frustrated because the wall definitely blocks the view haha.

But finally, after walking the entire length of walkway along the cliffs, we finally decide that a spot by the wall with some grass and a lighthouse in the background was THE spot. Everyone's in position: I'm taking pictures, my friend is videoing and my sister's boyfriend just has to get his words out. We pretend that we are just taking a cute picture of them, we tell my sister to face outward towards the lighthouse to give her boyfriend a second to pull out the ring and kneel while her back is turned. And from there it's like time stood still. My sister is never speechless, she's a bundle of words and sounds and exclamations, but in this moment she is in joyous shock. I can't hear what her boyfriend says, but from my sister's face I already knew her answer.

So after many tears, hugs and congratulations, IT WAS OFFICIAL. They were engaged and I couldn't be happier for them. From there we were able to go back through the

He liked it so he put a ring on it!

beautiful picture spots to take some engagement pictures that are once in a lifetime. The rest of the day had that extra bit of magic in the air as we drove the Wild Atlantic Way and stopped in Galway (cue Galway Girl).

And of course, we are in Ireland, so we have to go out and celebrate a bit at a pub! So we find the quintessential Irish pub and it's small enough that as we are talking about the engagement in one part of the pub, in 5 mins everyone knows about it. It probably also helped that I said it really loud to the bartenders so they could give congratulations to my sister haha. The two men there playing live music even dedicated a song to them.

About halfway through the night I'm in a conversation with one of the people there and they asked how my day was and of course I said "my sister got engaged!". They asked if she was older or younger, I say younger, and they say in response something to the effect of "Oh I'm sorry" or "that sucks", implying that my younger sister getting engaged before me, the older sister, was a bummer for me. And this was said without any mean spiritedness, it was just the assumed reaction. Like of course the older sister should get engaged and married first and it's sad or embarrassing if that doesn't happen in that order. I am not exactly sure where this comes from, probably something to do with royal families and all that haha, but it is very much an assumed narrative in culture. And maybe that's what you are thinking or feeling as you read this (cue the pitiful "always a bridesmaid and never a bride" saying). Maybe you feel a sense of sadness for me or maybe you are a big sister and are thinking "wow I would feel so bad if my younger sister/brother was engaged before me". All valid feelings. But I think there are two assumptions here that can steal the joy away from a younger siblings engagement and make the older single sibling feel unnecessary shame.

1. There's the overall assumption that everyone is on the path to marriage. I mean if my younger sister gets married BEFORE me, that means that she "beat me to it" in some way. Like my wedding was supposed to come first. But what if that's not my path? What if that's not your path? Or what if the timing is just different? That is ok! :)

2. There's the second assumption that the status of someone else's relationship has a bearing on who I am as a person. If my younger sister gets engaged before I do, then that means.....fill in the blank. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not loveable. I don't deserve happiness, etc. But this is a false line of thought. My younger sister could do anything in her life but that has no bearing on who I am as a person. She could become an astronaut or the president or move to Bali, but none of that has any bearing on my path in life. I am also not saying that we can't have feelings about this. A younger sibling getting engaged can highlight things in your own heart and life that you wish were different, but don't take it to the point of feeling about about who you are. And I think as singles (or any of us, really) when we start to play the comparison game to others, especially siblings or family, we set ourselves up for guilt and shame every time.

So, how do I feel about my baby sister getting engaged? Absolutely happy :) As a matter of fact, I will be Made of Honor and making sure EVERYONE celebrates this time in their life. This is her path and I have mine. And at some point in the future if my path does end up leading to marriage, I hope that my sister will be right at my side cheering me on as well. And if my path does not lead there, I know that she will still be cheering me on no matter what.