Guest Writer: "That Word we Call Single"

This guest post was graciously written by fellow therapist, long term single and friend, Greg Piken. I started thinking about the people in my life I have learned from and been shaped by in my own journey of singleness. Greg's voice and presence is one of those calm, empathetic ones that make you feel seen and invited to even deeper authenticity. I hope you feel the same way after reading his words below. Enjoy!

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I have always hated the word “single.” I am not flying solo, avoiding commitments, or living alone without loved ones, so that word can feel like I’m being misrepresented or “less than” the married elite. I know I am being unfair to myself for viewing singleness that way. After all, even some of my heroes (including Jesus) lived incredibly meaningful lives in service to others because they weren’t raising kids or trying to sync up with their partners. And yet, I am a true romantic. I can’t help but think how many ways I have been programmed to convince myself that nothing could be better than that feeling that uniquely happens between two people who can look each other in the eye, know every imperfection, character defect, and sin, and still choose to love each other.

But what I need to remember is that I have also believed a lie that “single” means the same thing as lonely. That’s where I choose to write a better story for myself. My whole life, I have loved being part of a team, having roommates, and even singing in a boy band. I love the feeling of chosen family but didn’t see a context for it as an adult from age 30-65. I knew I needed to broaden my scope. When I looked around at Judeo-Christian history, I was reminded of rich traditions of communal living in monasteries, abbeys, and the Israeli

The U.S.'s oldest continuously operating monastery. Abbey of Gesthemane, Kentucky. Estb. 1848

kibbutz. When I started working in the addiction field, I was reminded that sober living homes are centered around the belief that the opposite of addiction isn’t just sobriety, but connection with others. And as I have considered my greatest existential dread of dying alone, I remember that senior living communities are probably the best examples of connecting with new friends for the sake of finding safety in numbers when it counts the most.

My goal isn’t to change my status or make other people see the beauty of the word “single.” My goal is to love others as I love myself. To belong and help others to belong. I hope to do that to the best of my ability and be surrounded by others who feel the same way. I want to see others find their unique ways of doing that too. Widows coming together and taking in foster kids under one roof. Two families combing into one unit rather than

being devastated by enormous housing costs. Large old churches repurposing properties that lie empty most of the week to create affordable housing, community centers, and places of unconditional belonging for the marginalized and vulnerable. Perhaps I am single because I dream too big, and if that’s the reason, maybe that’s a worthy reason to be single after all. I still legally check the box on all my paperwork that says “single” and I still don’t like it, but I know what I mean by that word and the people I love know who I am too. I believe that’s good enough to sustain me now, while I continue in my holy longing for the greatest love that will last for eternity.

Greg Piken, LMFT, CSAT, CMAT

To get to know more about Greg Piken and what he does, you can visit his website by clicking here :)