Chat With Me (pt. 2)

Welcome back to another conversation courtesy of the "Christian Culture: Singles Edition" card pack! These four questions were chosen at random from this card deck and I will be doing more in the coming months. For more info on the card deck, check out the first post of this series here. Enjoy! :)

Icebreaker

Q: How can you show more kindness to yourself this week? How can you show kindness to others this week?

A: Well, as I write this I am coming off of mandatory resting from a surgery and let me tell you, its been hard to turn off that productivity side of my brain. My days are typically filled with things to do and things to get done and I have gotten better at scheduling in rest, but that rest is always to get me back to being productive again. So, when I have a week where

Slow walks and amazing sunsets at the La Jolla tide pools

my schedule is cleared and I don't have to do anything but just care for myself, it can be hard to remind my brain of this. I can feel that gnawing guilt in the background telling me that I should be doing something, no matter how small, because I may not have this much free time to get things done for a while. But as a friend reminded me, resting and simply feeding and caring for my body is all the productivity I need to be doing. So, I can be kind to myself this week as I allow myself to slowly transition back into the regular swing of things and not trying to rush or force anything.

One way I can show kindness to others this week is direct and intentional encouragement. It always surprises me how unexpected it is for people to receive genuine encouragement, myself included! Random but intentional encouragement is always a welcome surprise. So, this week, after people were so gracious and kind in taking care of me whether materially or through kind words, I want to be kind back with encouragement and building others up :)

Interpretation

Q: Esau sold his birthright for food, responding to his hunger in a way he would later regret (Genesis 25:29-34). How do you keep yourself from making poor decisions that will have an impact in the long run?

A: I can't wait to see the DVD playback in heaven of this moment haha. I'm so curious how this whole scene played out! And while I can laugh at it, the question here gets at the underlying principle. We live in bodies and have souls that both have desires. Some desires are good and some are not. Decisions we make can have immediate consequences or a ripple effect of consequences across time. Obviously Esau's decision here had looong lasting ripple effects.

When I think of moments where I am feeling pulled towards making a poor decision I have to remind myself again of who I am with Jesus. I find that the thing that most often leads me to making bad or unwise decisions is what I think other people will think of me. I am good at reading situations and would have an A+ in people pleasing (getting better! lol), so I have a tendency to fall into that thinking at times. But, when I remember that who I am in Jesus is my truest self, that what God thinks of me is the truest thing about me, that the things of God are eternal and that it is actually okay to not do what other people think I should do, I am free from the pressure of a bad decision. I had a professor who said that we need to be able to listen to our deepest desire and not our strongest desire. For example, my strongest desire might be to have another drink when I know I shouldn't because that's what the group around me is doing, but my deepest desire is to connect and be known, which is actually hindered with more alcohol. So, remembering who I am in Christ helps me to stay anchored to my authentic self and make more wise decisions.

Dating Topic

Q: What is the purpose of dating? What are some things you need to keep an eye out for during the dating process?

A: The times I've heard people talk about the history of dating and the sociology behind it have always been super interesting. I haven't done deep dive research into dating, so here's my opinion. Dating should be the process in which two people intentionally spend time together and pray about whether you will get married. Dating, in my mind, is not an end in itself, but a means to the end of marriage. If you are dating someone and it doesn't seem like this is a person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, the dating relationship should end. I know there are some people who see dating as a way to simply connect with someone and have fun for a short time and then move on, but I just think we as humans are

It's been so fun to watch those in my friend group go through the dating phases with their people :)

too wired for connection for that to actually work without denying our true humanity. One of our deepest desires is to be known and loved and seen, casual dating creates circumstances where we have to either ignore this part of us so we don't get too attached to someone or causes us to run away when things get too serious, thus hurting one or both people involved.

That being said, if you are dating for the purpose of marriage, then you should look out for foundational qualities and consistencies of a lifelong partner. The Bible gives us many different passages to look to for godly character qualities as well as countless stories of people's character to compare to. For example, we have the fruit of the Spirit and the different lists in the letters of Paul where he talks about how a person of faith should conduct themselves as a result of being in relationship with Jesus. We also have stories of people like Abraham, King David, Ruth, the disciples, and most importantly JESUS, to see how the Bible responds to their character. And the one thing to never overlook in all of this is what the person shows you consistently. Being kind for 1 week does not mean that person is, at their core, a kind person. On the flip side, if someone has been a solid person overall, making one mistake does not mean they are now a bad person. Consistency matters and that takes time and patience. Don't rush it :)

Stories

Q: Are you good at offering grace and forgiveness to yourself?

A: As with all things with God, this has been a process. The more meta process of this is recognizing that I actually can't forgive myself and offer grace to myself in the same way God offers grace and forgiveness to me. When we sin or make mistakes, we are ultimately breaking the parameters of what God has set up for us in this world, not just what we have set up for ourselves. So, offering myself grace and forgiveness is more like bringing my thoughts and emotions into alignment with how God sees me. It's more about receiving these things from God and trusting Him. I don't have to do His work for Him. If God says I am forgiven I am forgiven, I don't have to do anything else. When God meets me with grace I can do nothing else but accept(or reject) this gift and comfort from Him. My constant goal is to align my heart with God's and operate from the reality He has invited me, and all of us, into.

That being said, when I first became a Jesus follower, there were big mistakes and lifestyle patterns that I had to change. I learned the basics of what it meant to be a follower of Jesus and it was hard to trust that God's way was the best way, so I fell back into those bigger sin patterns often. Each time I could feel that pit in my stomach, knowing I was doing something that God disapproved of because it wasn't His best for me. In those moments I knew in my head that I could confess and be forgiven, that God's grace was so deep and wide for me, but instead of accepting that grace I felt like I had to earn my place in God's

One thing that has helped me be more flexible and creative in my relationship with God is getting outside and interacting with God while walking. La Jolla, CA.

good graces again. Forgiveness and grace didn't feel like enough because I felt so bad for what I did. So, it took time for the reality of God's forgiveness and grace to sink in for me. ("For from his [Jesus's] fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" John 1:16) .And with that grace and patience of God, it made it easier to trust Him and His ways over time, so those sin patterns also started to reduce until I was free of them. Praise God lol.

Fast forward to my current relationship with God, I am far from the sin patterns at the beginning of my walk, so the mistakes and bad choices I do make are typically more subtle (there are still bigger mess up moments, but thanks to the Spirit, far a few between). And as I think about it I can still notice those times mostly where I have a hard time accepting God's grace. I think this is because I set up so many extra parameters for myself for what it means to follow God. I can act like a Pharisee and add more on top of what God has said as a way of hoping to always please Him. Again, different strategies to "earn" God's grace. But that's not who God is or how He operates. For example, the Bible many times and in various ways invites us to meditate on scripture daily, all day, everyday. That's God inviting us to meet with Him and learn from Him all the days of our lives. So beautiful. But, I can get rigid with it and think that I have to do this as a checklist item to please God, so my morning devo time has to look and sound and feel a certain way. If it doesn't, then that means I have missed God's presence or God is disappointed in me. This is not God's heart at all! God has so much grace and freedom for me as His child, all He wants to do is spend time with me whether that's on a morning walk and prayer, reading my bible on my couch, listening to a prerecorded prayer or sitting in silence. God often has so much more grace and blessing for me than I am willing to receive.

All that to say, offering/receiving grace and forgiveness for myself is a journey, and when I remember truly who God is, that journey gets a whole lot simpler :)