Chat With Me (pt. 1)

When I first started getting more into planning singles events and starting a singles affiliate group at my church, I was thinking of what the group would look like. Would it be more of a conversation group around singleness? Book based? Just hangouts? And me being a therapist I'm always looking for fun questions and conversation starters. As I was browsing Amazon I came across a conversation card game called "Christian Culture: Singles

Edition". I thought to myself "this will either have some cool questions or be totally cheesy" haha, but after looking at some of the examples given, it didn't look too bad so I decided to get it and see what the rest of the deck looked like. The pack comes with four different categories of questions: icebreakers, interpretations, dating topics and stories. "Icebreakers" are exactly what you think of, casual get-to-know-you questions. The "Interpretations" cards present a bible verse or theological idea that relates to singleness and asks to share what you think about it. "Dating Topic" cards are also what they sound like, questions about dating and the dating process from the perspective of living as a follower of Jesus. And lastly, the "Stories" cards asks you to share a story from your life on a topic related to singleness and dating.

I haven't looked through all of them, but they are fun questions and some that have even helped spark some ideas for this blog! For this blog I thought "why not just pick four random cards and share my honest answers?" So that's what I'm doing! And because there are a bunch of cards to choose from, this will be a new little series within the blog, so continue to check back and see other questions I answer! Without further ado and with the heart of vulnerability and genuine openness, here are the four random cards I pulled and my answers :)

Icebreaker

Q: Share a random memory that makes you laugh or shake your head every time it pops up.

A: Ok, so this memory makes me both laugh and shake my head when I remember it. So I played soccer throughout my whole childhood and into college. Which means I've been on countless teams and have been to so many different games and tournaments. That also

Little 10 year old me!

means playing in every type of weather, rain, high wind, blazing heat, etc. One tournament I played when I was maybe 12ish started with a night game and when we were warming up it was a bit windy and drizzly, not too bad, but it was COLD. We were bundled up with multiple layers throughout the whole warm up, but we can't play with all those layers for the game. So as the whistle is called for the game to start we start running over at the last minute to peel off some layers before the whistle, it starts raining harder and the wind made

the rain come down sideways. It was intense. So I'm focused on how cold it is, how I'm going to play with rain in my face as I'm peeling off layers and I realize my legs feel extra cold. In the hurry of everything I didn't just take off my sweats but my shorts came with it! For a few seconds I was standing on the sidelines in view of all the parents and my team with no pants on and lemme tell ya, the rush of embarrassment from that warmed me up real quick! haha

Interpretation

Q: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). What does this mean to you?

A: Wow, what an open ended question. I guess thinking of this generally, my first thought is that this verse calls me to immense trust. Because in this life "all things" refers to both the hard and simple things, the fun and the painful things. It takes a lot of trust to hold onto the belief that God is working ALL of it for my good. This also makes me think that there are no meaningless or forgotten experiences in our life. Our pain matters to God. Our joys matter to God. God sees it all and will use it all. This also doesn't mean that it will always feel good, or the good that comes from it is what we expect. For example, if I apply to my dream school and am so excited about the path it could lead to, but I get rejected from that school, that hurts. There's so much disappointment and confusion in that. But in this, if I believe God is working all things for my good, this means that there is something for me here, even in the disappointment. Maybe its an opportunity to grow in patience, protect me from a hostile learning environment, keep me home longer to be present for a family issue, etc. The "good" God can work from this is endless. This verse invites us to surrender and trust that God is with us in all things and truly has our good at heart.

I think this applies to singleness as well. As I've written in other blog posts I believe that singleness, just like marriage, is good and for our good. Paul says so in 1 Corinthians 7. So, my singleness is something being used for my good. It is shaping me and molding me into a more loving human if I surrender it to God. I have to trust that in this, even here in singleness, all the experiences I have including the hard and lonely ones, God sees it and is using it for my good and my flourishing.

Dating Topic

Q: How do you feel about dating apps? Are they effective for Christian singles? What should you look out for when using these apps?

A: Oh man, I'll try not to rant too much here haha. In all honesty, on the whole, I am not a fan of dating apps. Why? It makes dating both too easy and too complicated at the same time. Too easy because people can take big vulnerable risks from the comfort of their own environment behind a screen and I think that makes people less able to handle in person conversations and the natural discomfort of relationships. It also makes it difficult if not impossible to grow confidence in yourself and you become overly sensitive to any rejection in real life. If you want to end a conversation in an app, you can just stop replying. If you almost say something awkward, you can just rewrite your response. And I think in all those small moments of in person interactions you actually get to know them, not a curated version of them. Dating apps then make dating overly complicated because you have this added layer of creating the profile and trying to figure out how to curate the best version of

From a church where one of my friends got married to the man she met on a dating app!

yourself, also taking into account the structures the app gives you, also taking into account what you think people want to see. And yes, in in person dating this happens on some level as well, but once you're out and interacting with people you just have to be you, you don't really have time to stop and spin and spiral with each decision like with an app, in person interactions calls for you to show up right in that moment exactly as you are. I could go on but those are some initial thoughts lol.

Are they effective? Sure! To counter my thoughts above, I know that dating apps do work for some people. I have a couple Christian friends who have used them and found the loves of their lives and I'm truly happy for them! So I do realize they do work in some circumstances. For me though, I just don't think dating apps are worth my sanity haha.

What should you look out for when using dating apps? A lot of things, but initial thoughts are authenticity, respect, honesty, a well-rounded person, someone who is respectful in messages no matter if you talk with them or end an interaction. How people handle rejection says a lot about them. For Christians, someone who actually lives out their faith and isn't embarrassed about it or trying to hide it.

So, safe to say, you won't find me on any dating apps, I'm much more of an in person, analog type dater I guess :)

Stories

Q: How well do you know yourself and how do you get to know yourself better? Have you learned anything surprising about yourself lately?

A: Well, being a therapist who has spent the last 3 years in therapy AND being a Christian who truly is trying to change and grow to look more like Jesus, I am constantly analyzing myself and trying to know myself. So as far as I can say, I think I know myself pretty well haha. I think this is an important use of time being a single, getting to know your true likes, dislikes, the dreams and gifts God has given you, as well as the pain points and beliefs that drive you that may need to change or heal. I don't usually go into things with a direct thought of "I'm doing this to know myself better", but things that I have found that help me know myself are travelling, emotion journaling, asking "what do I need right now?", therapy, SEMINARY (omg my seminary journey wrecked me with self-awareness lol), asking others for their feedback and being a community group leader. I've also been growing in my prayer life, learning to listen to God and allow the Spirit to bring to mind things I need to pay attention to for one reason or another. For example, some mornings I will sit quietly and

Travel! Dean Village, Edinburgh, Scotland. UK trip 2025.

breathe, asking the Spirit to help settle my body and thoughts. Then I'll ask one question, lately its been "where do you want to take me today?", and after a moment a memory from my Italy trip in 2019 popped into mind. This memory is hugely attached to feelings of being loved and cared for by God in where He leads me. In that moment I didn't know it at first but I really needed that reminder and I was so thankful God lead me there. God knows us better than we know ourselves, so ask Him :).

As far as surprising things I've learned about myself, last year I learned that I am actually a fairly creative person, just not in the typical painting-making-music-drawing sort of way. This realization came with the help of my therapist who helped point out times I feel more alive and joyful are when I am creating in my own way. I have never thought of myself this way, but as I've leaned into this, I've found a lot more life and fun!

Well, there ya go :) I hope these were fun to read and you learned something new about me. How would you answer these questions? Do you agree or disagree with some of what I said? Did these questions raise more questions for you? I hope you can discuss these with someone in your own life! Or, if you're brave, comment your answers below! Stay tuned, I'll do more of these in future :)