February 14th, 2026 :)

Valentine's Day. Singles Awareness Day. The second Saturday in February. Let's talk about it. Complete with some fun memes to keep it light hehe.

History

Valentine's Day is a holiday that actually goes back far in history, but like many things, it has evolved over time into what it is today. The exact history is a bit muddled because different leaders throughout the first 5 centuries co-opted it for their own purposes. So like many journeys in History, we start with Rome lol. From as early as the 6th century BC from February 13-15th the Romans would celebrate a pagan festival called the Feast of Lupercalia. Lupercalia was believed to be a god of fertility, so many aspects of the festival were centered around this idea, albeit fairly strange. There was some sacrificing and skinning of animals that then lead to whipping women with that animal skin which was believed to make then fertile. And throughout the festival men and women would be paired together, to put it mildly, to see if they were a good match. Combined with this, Emperor Claudius II executed two women both with the name Valentine, on Feb 14th during the 3rd century. This was then compounded by the Catholic church honoring the martyrdom of these women with the celebration of St. Valentine's day (another martyr of the Church in the 3rd century). So the festival and the name of Valentine started to become more linked on the ancient calendar.

As time went on more leaders continued to add layers of meaning to the day. Pope Gelasius I in the 5th century then explicitly combined the Roman festival with St. Valentine's Day in hopes of tempering the pagan ritual. At the same time, in another part of the world,

the Norman's were celebrating "Galatine's Day" with Galatin meaning "lover of women". The thought is that because Galatine's Day and Valentine's day sound similar they became linked. The day then started to take on more romantic tones, especially with the help of poets like Chaucer and Shakespeare and by the Middle Ages the exchange of paper cards of love on Valentine's day became more common. This continued on until the good ol' Industrial Revolution in which cards were mass produced, leading to the famous Hallmark cards in 1913 coming out of Kansas City, Missouri. What an evolution.

Modern Valentine's Day

Today, continuing with the mass production and consumption of goods from the industrial revolution, the day is one of the busiest of the year for restaurants, coming in behind Mother's Day. Chocolate is bought wholesale with average sales reaching around $1.8 billion. Yes billion with a "B". Cards, flowers and other gifts are bought as a show of affection to a long time love or a potential new love. Remember back in elementary school the chaotic joy that Valentine's day brought? Choosing the right Valentine's cards to impress your classmates and somehow trying to sneak one to your crush. Who knew 8-year-olds

could get so into it haha. I guess when there's chocolate/candy involved kids will go crazy for just about anything. But I digress...

Along with the material gifts comes the layer of expectations associated with the day. Valentine's Day expectations can literally make or break a relationship! I've seen it happen and I've experienced it myself lol. Is the gift good enough? Did they spend more than I did? Do I buy a gift or make it? Does this gift really reflect how much I love them? Did they forget?? How do I make this gift say "I'm interested" but not in a creepy way? Should I get my Valentine a present or an experience? What if I get rejected? Should I propose?!?? So much worry and pressure from society and our inner anxiety. There's a whole movie called Valentine's Day where we see all of this play out (a good one time watch imo haha). And that's just in relationships...(and if you're a person in a relationship reading this and have found a way to make Valentine's Day fun and light and not a day of panic, please share below! I know not everyone freaks out on this day, so please share your wisdom and experience!)

Pressure for Singles

Valentine's Day also, then, brings certain expectations and worries for singles. If I'm single on Valentine's Day, what does that mean? What if no one does anything special for me? What if I don't get a date in time for Valentine's Day? What if I am alone when everyone else is out having an amazing time being in love? It can be a time of intense reflection that can leave singles feeling lonely, forgotten and maybe some hopelessness towards relationships.

And I think all of these things happen for different reasons. I believe a lot of it has to do with media and advertising. Think of all the messaging we get in movies, music and ads that tell us Valentine's Day is the most important day to prove our love or to assess where our love life is at. Our overall cultural narrative reinforces this and the high expectations year after year. And then because these narrative's play on our emotions, especially anxiety, this day gets built up to feel so weighty.

On a sweeter note, though, I think the overall day or season of Valentine's Day gets at the deepest human desire, to be seen and known and loved. I just recently rewatched Moulin Rouge (so wild haha) and the refrain throughout the entire movie is: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." I think, if we are honest, this is the deep cry of all of us. For a few safe and loving people to know us fully, quirks and all, and deeply appreciate and celebrate you, wanting to genuinely spend time with you. People who truly like you no matter what you look like, how much money you make, no matter your job or how many degrees you have. I think this is a craving that gets heightened with Valentine's day and then combined with the rising levels of overall loneliness reported in the U.S., it actually makes a ton of sense why we can feel frantic or anxious on a day highlighting love. It can feel like a shooting star, either try to see it and bask in its wonder, or else miss it and have to wait another however many years until it comes back again.

And at its core, this desire to love and be loved is good. In John 17:24 Jesus gives us a glimpse of His eternal relationship with the Father and He says "Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world" (italics mine). The Triune God Himself-- Father, Son, Holy Spirit-- is a being of love since before the beginning of the creation of this world. John tells us explicitly "God is love" (1 John 4:8). So, take just those two truths, and remember we are made in the image of this God (Genesis 1:27), we can see that this desire to love and be loved is embedded in us from the Creator of the world.

Breathe

With all of that, can we take a step back? Take a breath? On one hand, yes, it is so fun to have a day dedicated to the special person in your life and make them feel special and loved. There's nothing inherently wrong in that. And on the other hand, it's just a day. It's nothing more and nothing less than a holiday. Just like how you celebrate Christmas doesn't ultimately define your relationship with God or how you do/don't engage in St. Patrick's Day doesn't actually have any ultimate say in how you feel about Ireland lol, Valentine's Day is the same. It ultimately doesn't define true reality about how loved or not you are. It doesn't define who you are. It doesn't have ultimate bearing on your overall love life. When we take a step back from the swirl of the ads, the stores and the anxiety, we can slow down enough to recenter and remind our souls of the ultimate truth about us.

A Grounded Approach to Valentine's Day

I'm with you in this. I feel all the pressure. I feel the pulls of comparison and the reality of loneliness. So I want to share with you some things I've been thinking about with how to stay healthy this Valentine's Day and be formed more by ultimate reality about love and our identity, God's reality, than the narrative of the culture I live in:

1. Acknowledge honestly how you are feeling- No matter what you're feeling, it's ok. Joy, sadness, loneliness, a mixture of a little bit of everything, acknowledge it. Don't suppress it or say "I should be feeling ____ instead". It doesn't help anything to shove your feelings into an internal box because as a therapist and a person who does this lemme tell ya, it will come back up somehow when you least want it to haha. Also, when acknowledging your emotions, don't become consumed by them. Emotions can be strong but just because they feel strong doesn't mean they are telling the truth. For example, you may feel lonely and then start to feel like no one likes you or you maybe feel unlovable. But that doesn't mean that's actually true about your relationships or true about you. Emotions cannot tell us reality but they can tell us about how we feel about reality. So whatever you feel, be honest about it and meet yourself where you're at with whatever you need :)

2. Practice gratitude, not comparison- You've probably heard it before, but comparison is the thief of joy. If you are constantly comparing your life to others, you miss out on what you do have or you start putting expectations on your life that were never meant to be yours. Again, its okay to have feelings and desires for things, it's okay to want a relationship, but spiraling in comparison and making yourself feel shame for being single isn't helping anything. Refocus on the good friendships you do have, the family that you can lean on, the plans you have coming up. Or get creative in how you can deepen current relationships or get out to meet more people.

   

3. Learn to celebrate the couples in your life and their love story- Part of being a healthy single is being able to celebrate others' love. Where love prevails and brings beauty and goodness we want to be able to celebrate that without envy, jealousy or irritation. Love is not limited with God, it is not scarce. Just because other's have a relationship of romantic love doesn't mean they are taking it from you. As a single hoping for marriage you learn to live in the tension of desire and longing while also celebrating other's who have that desire met. When you can do this, you'll be living authentically and maintain a variety of good friendships, couples and singles :)

4. Spend time with other's who can embody God's love to you- One of the best ways I've found to experience the love of God is by being with other Spirit-filled friends. Those who know God's love for them and want others to know they are loved. Encouragements, jokes, laughter, hospitality, remembering details about your life, a kind and listening ear, all these things in good friendships help you to not just know with your head, but know with your body that you are loved. You experience love in the presence of others and that gets it into your whole system.

5. Ultimate truth about you has nothing to do with how you feel- Similar to #1, but again making sure you aren't assuming that your emotions are telling you the truest thing about you, only God can do that. The ultimate truth about you is that you are so deeply loved that you are worth the death of Jesus Christ. It was God's good pleasure to die for you so that you could become Family with Him and other believers, part of the great mission of love and restoration in this world. This is a love that is not fickle, petty or unsafe, it is a love that is unshakable and invites you to be the most true version of you. You don't have to earn God's love, you don't get more love for being a CEO and you don't get less love when you mess up. As we walk this life with Jesus, the world, people and the enemy will try to trick us into feeling that we are not loved, worthy, special, etc., but none of those feelings change the eternal fact of God's love for you. Not even Valentine's Day.

6. Make the day fun!- Lastly, if Valentine's Day stresses you out or stirs up all the FOMO, you can still make it a fun day! Just because its a holiday doesn't mean you have to sit the day out if you are single. Plan a "Galentine's" night, or "Palentine's" for guys or a co-ed party. Go to a show, explore a new part of your city/town, practice cooking a new meal, literally anything. You can make it a day to look forward to instead of a day to dread :) For me, I'll be hanging out at the zoo and then going to a dance event later in the day. Hope you have some fun plans too!

   
   

   

   Looking through the archives this is the only actual Valentine's Day picture I have! Wine and paint night February 14, 2020 :)

Well friends, I hope something stood out to you here. Something that helps you feel seen and validated and also encouraged. And I hope you laughed a little! This upcoming Valentine's day will be my 9th Valentine's Day as a single, so I am in this with you. And let me tell you, everything is going to be ok :)