Singles, You're in Good Company-Jesus Was Single

The world stood in weary anticipation. So much chaos and grief and brokenness had ravaged the land for hundreds of years. The people cried out for justice, peace, rescue, "how Long, O Lord?". It had been 400 years since the last prophet spoke, since the voice of God had spoken into the unfolding narrative of history. 400 years of waiting, trying to hold onto the promises and hope of a Savior given to the very first humans to walk this earth. And then on an inconspicuous night in Bethlehem, without fanfare of the usual sort, without an announcement like other kings, the long-awaited Savior, Rescuer, Bringer of peace was

born. God spoke now not in words through prophets but through a perfectly Spirit-filled person. His very name brought His ultimate, redemptive message-- Immanuel, God with us. God's Son who was also God Himself. And although this introduction to the world as a human being came without the grand announcements of the time, to those who were watching, waiting, attentive to the subtlety of the Spirit, knew that history had forever changed. Jesus, the Savior that all of humanity has been crying out for since the beginning of time, had arrived.

"The Light of the World" by William Holman Hunt in St.Paul's Cathedral, London

Jesus lived on this earth fully God and fully human. Philippians 2:6-7 tells us that Jesus: "Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." Jesus had the "nature" of God and took on the "nature" of a servant as a human. Such a beautiful picture of the humble heart of God who will do anything to break down barriers between us and Him. I've heard it said that the God of the Bible is unique because He is the only one that instead of making humans work to reach Him, He did the work of coming down into our mess to meet us. God wanted us to know that He knows and sees the lives we live, but even moreso that He empathizes and is willing to live it with us. Not far away on a lofty throne, too high and holy to get too close, but right in the middle of it, choosing to enter brokenness, pain and grief with us in this life, so that He could show us how God cares about it all and is doing something about it all.

God coming to earth as a human could have been lived out in so many different ways, and Jesus wanted to show us the fullness, sufficiency and goodness of a life lived with and for God. John 4:34 says “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work." The very thing that Jesus was sustained on in this life was doing the will of God, living His life completely for God's plan for the world. We also learn that a regular practice of Jesus was stealing away on His own to be with God to pray. When crowds of people were coming to Him for healing we learn "...Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed" (Luke 4:16). There was a relationship with God that Jesus was living and modeling for us, a relationship that took precedence above all else.

Why does this matter? One of the reasons is because Jesus, God in the flesh, lived His entire earthly existence as a single person. Jesus never married. I believe Jesus was showing us something different about relationships and the way we can live our lives "to the full" (John 10:10).

And Jesus not marrying would have been a surprise because at the time that Jesus came, he was born into a time in history and into a culture where marriage was expected of men and women. Some Rabbis even said that "a man wasn't really a man" until he was married. Men would typically be married by 18, younger in times of peace, and women as

Painting depicting an ancient Jewish wedding

young as 13 or 14. At the time Jesus lived some people were starting to live celibate lives to serve God, but this was more of a rarity than the norm. So, it is extremely interesting, to say the least, that Jesus lived His entire life as a single man. As high a value that the Bible and His culture put on marriage, why did Jesus choose not to marry? Because surely this was an intentional choice and not because of a lack of options haha.

I think there are many takeaways and perspectives on the fullness of what this means, but the main takeaway again for me is this: Jesus shows us the essence of "life to the full"(John 10:10). Jesus wanted to show us a truth that God had been revealing since the dawn of history-- He is enough to satisfy our souls.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing." (Psalm 23:1)

"Better is one day in your courts

than a thousand elsewhere;

I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God

than dwell in the tents of the wicked." (Psalm 84:10)

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:17-19)

Yes, marriage is beautiful and as I have said throughout this blog I am not a marriage hater and I am not saying singleness should be placed above marriage. They both have their place and purpose in life. AND YET we all need to push back on the narrative or feeling that says marriage is what satisfies our souls. That place is reserved only for God and Jesus directly illuminates this reality by the very life He lived. A single man, submitted to God and yet in complete fullness of life.

So, fellow single, any narrative that tells you that being single is somehow a life that is not enough or missing something or second best, you can challenge that narrative by asking if it is true of Jesus. Was Jesus's life not enough? Missing something? Was His life second best to married life? No. Jesus came to show us what life with God looks like and He lived life to the full. John tells us at the end of His gospel:

"Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written."

(John 21:25)

Jesus and His disciples lived a life full of miracles, a life that encompassed the full experience of humanity including joy and grief, pain and healing, love and heartbreak, but most of all a life that was infused and defined by the overwhelming love of God. Again in the Gospel of John, we read a prayer from Jesus for future disciples:

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me." (John 17:20-23, italics mine)

Do you see the closeness and unity that Jesus has with the Father and how He prays for that for us? Jesus prays that we may be one with each other as He is one with God and that in that oneness there is love (in the last sentence). I don't think there is a way to describe a closer intimacy. So Jesus on this earth was not lacking. His single life was not defined by an aching loneliness for a spouse or regret at the end of His life that He didn't

Singles group beach hangout. Singleness is not loneliness :)

marry. Yes, Jesus was hurt when He was abandoned by His friends in the Garden of Gethsemane, but again His life was not defined by only loneliness in HIs friendships. So any narrative that says singleness is second-best in any way will have to bring that assumption to Scripture and the life of Jesus Himself.

I could go on and on about the fullness that Jesus showed us in His lifetime, but I hope highlighting the intentional singleness of Jesus helps us to really reflect on this reality. There are cultural narratives and church narratives that can make us singles feel like we are doing something wrong if we are single and there are also narratives among singles that single life is second-best to marriage. I hope that as you continue to follow Jesus that you can find comfort, contentment and courage to live your singleness boldly. You are in good company with Jesus Himself. Take a breath, settle into God's truth and take hold of the flourishing that is available to you right here right now in Jesus's name :)